If Only Rev. Phelps Had A Beard

A&E networks has now shown us that if Rev. Phelps had a beard, the Westboro Baptist Church could have their own tv show right after Storage Wars as well. A while back Phil Robertson of A&E’s Duck Dynasty did an interview and decided to explain his thoughts on homosexuality. Like Rick Santorum before him, he decided to equate homosexuality with bestiality. He claimed his reason for doing so was because of his deeply held religious beliefs and love of God. We all know what God thinks of homosexuals, just ask Rev. Phelps and his crew. Of course it amazes me that if God hates gays so deeply why He hasn’t figured out a way to stop making them yet. If we went to a restaurant that screwed up our order that often, we’d be on social media screaming about it, but we wouldn’t be blaming the food.

Initially A&E suspended Phil from the show. That’s when those champions of free speech, the Conservatives, stepped up and started protesting. These are the same people who forced ABC to pull Bill Maher off the air after 9-11 for a remark he made. At the time White House press secretary Ari Fleischer even warned people need to watch what they say. And we also need to remember how committed these people were to free speech when Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks spoke out against George W. Bush for invading Iraq during a concert in England. Where was their outrage when Alec Baldwin was suspended for possibly using a gay slur during a private altercation that happened to be caught on video. No, conservatives are only interested in protecting free speech when it’s speech they agree with coming from someone who shares their political views. The rest of the Robertson clan decided that they couldn’t imagine going on without Phil and so A&E, not wanting to lose their cash cow of a show, quickly reversed course and brought Phil back.

Personally, I am all for freedom of speech and don’t believe Phil should have been suspended for making his homophobic and racist comments and blaming them on God. I just think we need to find out if he is a hypocrite or not. He claims he makes these statements because of his staunch belief in the word of God (you know, kind of like the 9-11 terrorists and their belief in Allah and jihad which made killing all those people a-okay and religiously justified), so let’s see if he believes in everything the Bible says. The Bible mentions feeding the poor a whole bunch, so how about opening a string of Duck Commander homeless shelters and food pantries all across the country. The Bible says to love thy neighbor, so let’s see an episode where these Southern boys have a group of Muslims over for a duck hunt. How about some inner-city youths being brought in to share their home for the summer? And I think I know what would make the perfect Easter special. Since the Bible demands stoning for a multitude of sins from homosexual behavior, to blaspheming the name of the Lord, to being a “stubborn and rebellious” child, how about an all-star stoning special? They could probably wipe out the casts of half of Bravo’s shows in what would surely be a ratings bonanza. Of course the Bible also says that “thou shalt not kill”, and “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and a whole bunch of other contradictory things that tend to indicate that maybe God doesn’t want His children killing each other even if it’s justified by the word of God.

But that’s the tricky thing about the Bible. Most people like to believe that it was written word for word by God Himself when in fact it was written by men. Men, who although divinely inspired, are human and thus flawed. Books have been left out of the Bible. The meaning of some words have changed over time. Some words or ideas may not translate well, and most of today’s translations were taken from previous translations which could also have errors. It’s also worth noting that some powerful men were not above using the Bible to force their desires upon the people. Since raw pork could make a person deathly sick, God said don’t eat pigs. Some genetic lines have shellfish allergies, so God said stay away from the shrimp as well. And since civilizations needed their citizens to produce offspring so that they would have more citizens to build things and fight wars, well is it so hard to believe that they would want to steer their people away from non-reproductive sex acts like homosexuality? Let’s face it, a law can tell people not to do something and they will ignore it and hope they don’t get caught. But have the church tell them that God said it was a no-no and thousands of years later people will still be trying to enforce it.

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